Writing Task 2: Increasing the price of petrol

DISCLAIMER: 

1) I AM NOT AN IELTS EXAMINER ; 2) PLEASE VISIT THE WEBSITES OF BRITISH COUNCIL AND IDP FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE IELTS; 3) THIS ESSAY WAS WRITTEN WHEN I WAS STILL A STUDENT

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY WORK.

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Question: To solve the ever-increasing environmental hazards throughout the world, the best way is to increase the price of fuel.

What is your opinion on the above assumption?

Sample answer:

In a recent study published by the environment advocate group Greenpeace, it was stated that 80% of carbon emissions that seriously damage the environment are from cars. Because of this, some people believe that in order to decrease the environmental damage brought by these toxic fumes, the price of fuel should be decreased. Although there is a grain of truth in this assumption, I do not agree that raising the cost of petrol can significantly lower environmental hazards.

One major reason why some individuals assert that making fuel more expensive will solve the global problem of environmental degradation, is because they believe that if the price of petroleum is high, then people will be discouraged from using their vehicles. This will then decrease the amount of carbon emissions which in turn will slow the destruction of the Earth’s atmosphere. While this may seem true, it is not entirely plausible because it does not guarantee that people will stop using their vehicles. There will still be affluent people who can afford the high price of fuel and will continue its consumption. Another important factor to consider is that not all environmental hazards are due to the burning of fuel. For example, the pollution of bodies of water is caused by irresponsible waste management and not carbon fumes from fuel. Furthermore, radioactive substances that are toxic to living things are not directly related to fuel. In fact, these harmful substances are the result of nuclear energy, which is a common alternative to fossil fuel. Therefore, increasing the price of fuel will not completely address these environmental issues. What is more important is the utilization of other sources of energy that are renewable and sustainable.

In summary, I believe that increasing the price of fuel is not the solution to the issue of environmental degradation. Rather, the development and use of alternative sources of energy such as solar, geothermal and hydroelectricity are more effective because these resources are naturally abundant and do not leave harmful waste products as fuel does.

WORD COUNT: 337 words

SCORE: 8.5 (INITIAL SCORE UPON SUBMISSION)

UPDATE: When this essay was originally submitted, the instructor did not leave any comments. However, now that I’ve re-checked this, I think this deserves a 7-7.5 because:

Task Response- the position of the writer is clear, although there were some main ideas that were not adequately explained (use of alternative sources of fuel). Some points need more elaboration.

Coherence and Cohesion- ideas were separated in paragraphs, good use of transition words and cohesive devices

Lexical Resource- there were less common terminologies, but some words were repetitive (fuel)

Grammar- the writer showed a wide range of grammatical structures.

SCORE (CURRENT): 7- 7.5

 

 

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