Writing Task 2: Both Parents Working

DISCLAIMER: 

1) I AM NOT AN IELTS EXAMINER ; 2) PLEASE VISIT THE WEBSITES OF BRITISH COUNCIL AND IDP FOR MORE INFORMATION ABOUT THE IELTS; 

PLEASE DO NOT COPY MY WORK.

Question: In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents to go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence.

Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

Sample answer:

In this modern day and age, most families require both the mother and father to be employed, and this is due to several financial circumstances. However, there are some individuals who believe that this scenario is harmful to the children’s upbringing. This writer recognizes the positive and negative impact that this set-up brings to the family, and is of the opinion that the decision to let both parents work is dependent on the family’s financial status.

There are many advantages brought about by having both mother and father engaged in full-time occupations. Initially, when both parents have jobs, this results to increased monetary resources for the family’s consumption. This means that with the combined salaries of both parents, this ensures that the basic needs are met. To illustrate, if the mother and father have sufficient income, they can afford to send their children to prestigious educational institutions where the kids will receive the highest academic standard. As a result, these children may have better job opportunities compared to their less fortunate counterparts. Additionally, it has been proven that families who are well-off due to having both parents work, are happier and reported increased self-fulfillment according to a study by a group of experts. As a matter of fact, the research yielded that having more money to spend on hobbies and leisure activities is a prime factor to one’s happiness. Therefore, securing financial stability is significant in keeping family members satisfied and fulfilled.

On the contrary, there are some disadvantages associated with a family where the two parents are both employed simultaneously. First and foremost, children belonging to such families often experience lack of emotional support. This is due to the fact that parents do not have much time to spend with their kids because they are preoccupied with their careers. This results to low self-esteem in the children, leading to possible suicidal tendencies. For instance, a famous actor’s daughter recently made headlines because she committed suicide in spite of her parents’ success. Hence, it can be said that parental attention is important to young ones. Aside from that, the parents themselves are also affected by this set-up. When both parents work, they may be too consumed with their occupations, such that they might not have time for intimacy thus leading to separation. When this happens, their offsprings suffer. In fact, in a study conducted by psychologists, it has been found that children who came from broken families have poor academic performances.

With the abovementioned points, this writer believes that the family’s economic stature is a key factor on whether both parents should work or not. If the family is wealthy and has already met their immediate needs, then there is no reason for both parents to be employed since it has been established that entering this set-up has dire consequences. However, if the family members still lack adequate resources, then it is prudent for both mother and father to engage in full-time occupations. This is so that they can adequately provide what the family requires to live a fruitful life.

In conclusion, there are pros and cons when the mother and father are both employed. The writer asserts that the family’s monetary assets be taken into consideration before letting the parents work full-time, as this has detrimental effects to the children.

Word Count: 551 words

SCORE:  7.0

Note: This essay was written by my students in one of our live writing sessions, which means that the students brainstorm together and construct the essay together. I only facilitated and provided input when they are stuck in a rut. Here is the breakdown and reason for this score:

Task Response: The question has 2 parts: a) both parents working and this reaps benefits, b) both parents working and this is disadvantageous. Since the prompt says “discuss both views”, regardless of your position, the 2 parts or sides should be adequately discussed. In this essay, the writer (or writers, in this case), answered and explained the 2 sides.

Coherence and Cohesion: There are adequate and varied cohesive devices. The ideas also follow a clear and logical progression. Also, there is a clear central topic for every paragraph. However, they could’ve used more flexible transition devices.

Lexical Resource: Vocabulary are appropriate and there were some less common words. They could’ve used idiomatic expressions, though.

Grammar: There is a mix of simple and complex sentences and varied complex structures, but a passive tone could’ve been utilized in order to get a higher score.

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